Oh Fall... How I love thee...

Have I mentioned I love this time of year?

Bring on the Ghouls

So on top of the wedding excitement, we are also on cloud 9 because Halloween is right around the corner… This upcoming weekend we are decorating the house. We are such big kids during the holidays... this one especially. Our laundry room is literally overflowing with Halloween kitchy goodness. My Amazon.com addiction has been on overdrive recently, looking for good deals on scary movies. We really love the old black and white “horror” movies from the 40-60’s.. Good stuff. They are fun because they aren’t gory and could accomplish so much just with a little suspense and the right music.

Anywho... So can’t wait for to decorate the house! I will be sure to post some pics once it’s done.

Going to the Chapel and...

So the wedding is quickly approaching. I am excited for it like a kid on Christmas Eve. The details with the Church are done for the most part. We have what I believe will be our last meeting with our Minister this Sunday the 12th. The Country Club is booked and the details hammered out. The DJ is wonderful and has really worked with us within our crazy eclectic music tastes. The flowers are beautiful and uber 'autumnal'. The photographer does great work and we are super excited to see how those turn out.. Lots of black and white pictures and candid shots. I am a sucker for Sinatra and we have a Sinatra impersonator entertaining during cocktail hour. It's going to be beautiful.. And the honeymoon is booked.. Disney World baby! Super excited for that.. Most of all though.. I am marrying a truly amazing human being with whom I am madly in love.

My life is so damn good!

Calling all angels

I belong to a lot of adoption groups on facebook. The moderators of the groups often pose different questions about birthmothers who choose to place their children for adoption as well as women who choose abortion. There are always a slew of nasty, sexist comments from a lot of adoptive parents.

I have seen people refer to birth moms as sluts, whores, dirtballs, etc. all because these women were faced with an unplanned pregnancy. Then the women who choose to abort are labeled as murderers. I just don’t get it. These are people who wouldn’t be able to be parents if not for the miracle of adoption yet they choose to vilify the very women who have given them the most precious gift in the world.

Maybe they are threatened because these women could make life and they couldn’t. I don’t know. I only know that when the day comes and we are parents, that our birth mom will be an angel to us.



It’s funny to be both pro-choice and also waiting to adopt. I might be a man, but I still consider myself a feminist. I fully believe in a woman’s right to choose. It is funny though because obviously with Adoption being pretty much a numbers game, that if there were less abortions performed, there would be more children placed for adoption, thus our journey to adoption would likely be much shorter.
I still recognize the importance of choice, but I nonetheless see the irony in the situation as well.

You belong among the wildflowers...

I haven’t blogged in a while. We’ve been really busy with exciting wedding stuff and just day to day life.

My thoughts are kind of all over the place today with things that I’ve recently said to myself “I should blog about that.”

A couple weeks ago I was headed to Walmart on Rt 38 in Cherry Hill. This is a crappy Walmart (is there such thing as a good Walmart?) but it’s the one that’s closest to the house. As you pull into this Walmart there is a large plot of undeveloped land that is usually covered in weeds. I always complain about how they ‘could atleast attempt to make it look nice by mowing the damn thing’. I digress…

Anyway, this time there was an old beat up station wagon pulled off to the side and an older eccentric looking woman was making her way around the field. She was holding something in her hand. As I got closer to her I realized she was holding a bouquet of flowers. Thick green stems with large white blooms… She was hunting through this mess of weeds gathering wildflowers.

I am sad to say that at first I mocked her in my head… What a weirdo I thought. Then I stopped for a moment and thought about how different I was from her. Then it hit me. I pass this plot of weeds every week and every week I bitch about them and I think about what an eyesore it is. This woman drove by it and instead of seeing just an eyesore.. she saw beauty. She saw these white polka-dots of wildflowers that most people probably completely overlook.

I used to be the kind of person who would have seen the pretty polka-dots.. and maybe even have stopped for them. Somehow I have lost that over the years. I hope that in recognizing what I’ve lost.. I can try to find it again.

I will...

I will never understand most people

I will likely always feel like an outsider looking in

I will always be a kid at heart

I will speak up as often as possible about glbt equality and the lack there of

I will always be frugal (frugal sounds nicer than cheap)

I will always love him... always.

I will likely always be misunderstood

I will always rely too heavily on the principle of a matter

I will always fight with my mother

I will always wish I finished college

I will always be a family man

I will refuse to believe that grunge is dead

I will always be awkward socially

I will always march to the beat of my own drum

Words are like weapons, they wound sometimes.

I'm not one for sensorship, I am however a fan of political correctness. I don;t see anything wrong with expecting people to be sensitive towards others and trying to watch what they say out of respect for someone else. I don't claim to be perfect. There is a lot in our everyday society that is just inherently sexist, homophobic, racist.. that I think it's easy to slip up with the little things. The bigger things however, I think are on us to use our common sense to know what is not appropriate.

My thoughts today are on the word faggot. I hate this word. This is a word that after I was outed in highschool that I heard and saw quite a bit. Also having done more glbt advocacy stuff when I was younger that word was thrust in my direction more times than I can count.

Now as adult, I have no quams about voicing my objections a little louder and with a little more anger.

This was a word that I have had to slowly and painstakingly educate my place of work was not an appropriate thing to throw around the office , even if you "don't mean it THAT way". I think this word will haunt me for a long time to come. While some might say it's just a word.. and don't give it power.. I say that this word is killing children and teenagers like me who face harrassment every day. This word must die.

This past weekend, when we were taking a break from some neverending yardwork we were flipping around the channels. We stopped on a movie Bad News Bears. This was evidently a remake. This was on in the middle of the day on TBS.. Two minutes into watching, a child on a the little league team was throwing around the word faggot at his opposing team. These were kids openly using this word during daytime tv, on TBS. wth?? I googled the movie and evidently it's chop full of moderately racist, homophobic and mysoginistic language. Why would a network who I understand to mostly air mainstream family type programs find this acceptable.

Then Sunday night we turned on the tv for a few minutes before bed and the tv was already on LOGO. Too lazy to get up at the moment we left on Ru Paul's Drag Race (quality programming I assure you.. ok, well not really). Anyway, 2 minutes into that one of these queens is throwing around the word faggoty to describe another contestants behavour. Then it struck me, if our communitsy shows the rest of the world that this language is ok to use, then why would straight America not use it. Don't we as glby people have a responsibility to educate and promote sensitivity towards other glbt'ers? I was so mad.

A couple months ago the movie came out called The Hangover. Everyone I knew went on and on about what a funny movie this was and how we had to watch it. SO, we ordered it through comcast on demand one night. 10 minutes into the movie they used the word faggot atleast 10-20 times. Now, how do people in my life not know that not only should they not be recommending this movie to me? But also that telling me how wonderful this movie is pretty disrespectful. Imagine a movie being filled with the 'N word' and then recommending it to an African American friend? I just don't get it.

I think glbt people do have a responsibility... A responsibilty to carry ourselves with respect and treat eachother in a matter that we'd like to be treated by the rest of society..

Ramblings of a homebody

I am not the most social of people, thus it’s hard to make / meet new friends. I would really like to expand our / my circle. Ron has a lot of straight girlfriends. I have friends of my own too, just not as many as I used to. We don’t have many couple friends as I would like. I’d really like to change that but (speaking for myself) how does someone who is predominantly a homebody meet new people?

I am not a hermit mind you. I like dining out, going to the movies, museums, mini-golf, game nights; most things that I am supposed to be too young to enjoy. I am 31.. Ron is 30. Everyone out age either has young children and spends their time with their families (understandably), or wants to bar / club hop their weekends away. I hate bars, and don’t really drink. I hate the whole bar scene. It’s so not me.

I have always had a hard time making new friends because it feels like I’m never what I am ‘supposed’ to be. I’ve felt that way most of my life. As a child I had school friends and home friends because I went to school in a different area of the city from where I lived. The kids at home also went to school together, and the kids at school also lived around eachother. I think it was harder to form bonds with people because I was back and forth between (what seemed like) 2 different worlds. I felt like an outsider no matter where I was.

In highschool, my family moved to NJ.. I went from being a city kid surrounded by other working class families to a suburban NJ area with a lot of kids who grew up with silver spoons in their mouths. I made friends, some that I still have but I always felt an armslength away because I didn’t grow up with these kids, like they all did with eachother. I was still an outsider.

Even now.. in work for example.. I do a different job than all of the other Collectors. I am not one of the mainstream collectors. I also haven’t been doing this for 20 years and haven’t worked at other companies with my coworkers like many of them have with eachother. I have friends here, but more acquaintances. I don’t go to the beef and beers that someone here always seems to be hosting (not putting them down, just not my thing).

I don’t mean to sound ungrateful for my life or for those that I am lucky enough to have in it. I have and have had some grade A, quality peeps in my life. As I delve further into my 30’s though I feel like it’s time to branch out a bit. Someone needs to invent a personal ad site for individuals or couples who are just looking to make new friends.

Survery I was tagged for

I finally figured out how to copy and paste! Yay!

1. If you read/watch the Twilight Saga, are you Team Edward or Team Jacob? If you don't read/watch Twilight, why not?
Didn't read them.. Did watch the movies. I don't understand the hype. Lost Boys was way better.

2. If you were a color, what color would you be today?
Blue... I am sleepy today and blue seems like a sleepy color. Plus it's patriotic for the 4th of July

3. The top 2 most populated cities in the US are New York and Los Angeles. If you had to choose to live in one of them, which one would you choose? Why?
I'd prefer neither. I wouldnt want to live anywhere that congested. If I had to pick one I guess it would be NY. Atleast there is more culture there.. museums and such.

4. What is your favorite thing about Summer?
The Ocean City Boardwalk

5. How do you drink your coffee? Black? One sugar? Or, if you don't drink coffee, what is your drink of choice?
I don;t drink coffee. I am a tea fiend though.

6. Are you a dog or cat person, or both? Why? Or, do you prefer a snake?
I like all animals. I am not a huge fan of my own.. they are all pains in the ass. Someone is always pooping somewhere they shouldn't and if that's not happenning then there is a cat leaving a hairball somewhere.

7. What do you think of mimes? Do they make you laugh, or freak you out?
Are there still mimes? I have never seen one in person.

8. Who is your favorite artist? Why? VanGogh... I love starry night.I know it's cliche.. but I do.

Here are my questions for the next 8 bloggers:

1. Are your looks deceiving? yes. people say I can looks mean and scary but I am a nice boy
2. What are you currently reading? Nothing. Looking for my next book.
3. Are you for same sex marriage? Why or why not? Duh! Marriage for all.
4. Lemonade or Ice Tea? Nantucket Nectars Half and half is my fave!
5. A favorite dish or baked item you love to prepare for your family or friends? I love making hamburger casserole and turkey croquettes. yum!
6. Do you take vitamins daily? Why or why not? no.
7. Would you rather live on a farm or in the city? a farm with occasional adventures into the big city.
8. Who would win...Wonder Woman or She-Ra Princess of Power...in a fight? She-Ra.. Wonder woman just got a makeover and now she looks lame.

Weekend wrap up

It's Monday morning... and I am beat. This was a hectic weekend. Friday night we were supposed to go see the movie Grown Ups. It's not my typical movie pick, but it looked cute and was something a little different. We chose to stay in instead and enjoy come couch time since we weren't expecting to get much of it for the rest of the weekend. We just prdered a pizza and rented (on demand) '8: The Mormon Proposition.' It was a very well done documentary. It was very informative but also entertaining. Those Mormons are more than just a little nutty.

Saturday morning we crawled out of bed and had breakfast at our Diner. I love having 'a diner'... It's just a few blocks from the house and everyone knows eachother. Anywho, after breakfast we were taking a drive to the Red, White and Blueberry Festival. We love those kinds of festivals so we were excited to go. We go super lost on the way there. the direction on the website were horrible. By the time we got there, paid $8 to park... drive to East Jabip to park only to realize that you had to then take a bus to get back to the festivities. The line for the bus was about 20 miles long. We realized that we would have less than an hour to explore so, in frustration we decided just top head home. We were annoyed but, that is kindof our luck to we laughed and just made fun of ourselves most of the way home.

We had a Wedding florist appointment in the afternoon and had great success with that. We picked out some beautiful things and spent a lot less than I thought we were going to. We are using a lot of live plants for the wedding.. We both like the idea of the plants / flowers being able to be taken home by people and given a new life. Then after that we had a meeting with our Minister.. We will have a few more before the Wedding. It went well... Then Saturday night we had tickets to see Dreamgirls at the Academy of Music. Dreamgirls is Ron's favorite... so ofcourse he was on cloud nine.. I really enjoyed it too.

Sunday was Church and finishing up our newly diva'd out guestroom. This guestroom would make Liberace feel butch. lol. It's cute though and Ron likes it a lot.

It's the end of the month which is crunch time at work.. Today is going to be a very long, stressful day... as is the rest of the month. Tonight we're headed over to our friends to meet their baby for the first time. Super excited for that. Ok.. work time.

A pass for a pest

I don't like when people or things in this world get a pass because of who or what they are. Let me explain.

This morning I was sitting at my desk at work, enjoying my morning cup of tea and I felt something on the back of my head... I reached for it and low and behold a lightning bug the size of a honda had landed on me. I removed it in a manly fashion (by squeeling and jumping 6 feet into the air) and escorted the little critter into it's next life. I don't like lightning bugs. I also do not like ladybugs, dragonflies or caterpillars. (I am ok with worms but that's another story). Somewhere along the lines people decided that while most bugs are gross and bad that these certain bugs are cute and acceptable. I don't get that. And I don't hate bugs.. I know they have a purpose in this world, but it's funny to me how society tells us that certain ones are ok and other aren't we buy into it. The cute bugs get a pass.

This makes me think of the courtcase that just got wrapped up involving the Boy Scouts and a building that they use that is owned by the city. There was a lawsuit filed bc the city has a nondiscrimination policy that includes gay people and the Boy Scouts policy says no gays. The city offered to let the Boy Scouts rent the property for significantly less than fair market value or the would need to leave the property unless they changed their discriminatory policy. The matter went to court and ofcourse the Boy Scouts won. NOW.. I am not against the Boy Scouts as a whole.. they do a lot of good things HOWEVER they are infact a private group that is discriminating against gays and are still getting a handout from the city of Philadelphia. They won in court because they are overall do-gooder children, so as to not rule against them, a jury found in their favor. If this was a group of adult white supremecists who did good throughout the city but nonetheless rejected anyone who wasn't white.. The group would have lost in court. No one wanted to rule against a bunch of Boy Scouts, so despite committing discrimination, they got a pass.

When we give a pass to one big and not another we are stating that we are too weak minded to think for ourselves, so because society tells us what to believe, we do so. When we gave the Boy Scouts a pass are teaching a bunch of young boys that sometimes it's ok to discriminate without consequences. Someday they will be husbands and fathers and business owners and members of communities. Hopefully when they are adults THEY will have more sense than the people that served on the jury that allowed those prejudices to go on.

Gay on the Brain

We have been having the hardest time finding a cake topper. We'd love to find something sweet and romantic, but we'd settle for something vintage and fun.. or heck even something funny.. as long as it fit our personalities. There are no nice gay male wedding cake toppers. There is not a lot of selection of lesbian toppers (hiyo) but there are more for women than men. It's frustrating that in this day and age that this market is pretty much ignored. We don't want to use generic male figures that look like they were each ripped off of a hetero topper. It's funny that the big things for the wedding, we've breezed through but something this small is proving difficult.. Maybe we're being silly but it's still frustrating. We talked about making something bc we can both get out 'craft on'.. when we're in the mood.. We'll see.

I read an article recently that posed the question.. Do pride festivals hurt the gay rights cause? This was specifically talking about the people (mostly men) who show up in their leather.. or maybe not even that.. I hate to say it but I think those people do hurt the cause... I haven't been to a pride parade or festival in years. I am told that there is a "family pride" in NJ but I have yet to check it out. I have gone to prides and seen topless women on their motorcycles, nearly naked men in speedos (pr less). I respect those peoples right to express their individuality however those are not the kind of people I associate myself with.

How will our struggle for equal rights ever be taken seriously when everytime the news covers a pride event and they pan to a crowd of parade revelers and it's a scene of debauchery.

The older I get, the more conservative I seem to be getting... I admit that. But even to the most liberal of people, I think sometimes enough is enough... To each their own I suppose..

Who's your daddy?

So yesterday was Father's Day. I don't talk to my dad. I've only seen him a couple times over the last 12 years or so, but pretty much just waves from across a room at a funeral or at my brother's college graduation. I have mourned him not being in my life and about 99% of the time am fine with it. We are very different people. To me.. he is someone that unless you're just like him, he can't relate to you and if he can't relate to you, then there's no point of you being in his life. He was the kindof dad.. that to him being a good dad pretty much just meant keeping a roof over your head. And don't get me wrong, that's a good thing, but there's a lot more to being a dad than just that.

Being in Collections, I speak to a wide array of people. Many of the people I talk to are on welfare, have never worked a day in their life, live in government housing, etc.. It never ceases to amaze me though that all that being said, they also typically have multiple children. While I wouldn't go as far as to say it's the "norm".. you would be amazed how many of these people pop out one baby after another, annoyed that they have another mouth to feed and more diapers to change. To these people, a baby isn't something to celebrate it's an inconvenience.

It's so frustrating to talk to these people because being a dad is something I want more than anything. It must be an incredible feeling to be able to say "oops.. we made a baby" . That very idea just seems to crazy to me.

I know I will be a dad eventually. I know I will be a great father. When the time is right, it will happen, but in the interim, I guess I will have to continue to be frustrated listening to people that just don't know how lucky they are.

Under the boardwalk, down by the sea.

Yesterday Ron, my sister Jen and I spent the morning and afternoon on the boardwalk. We had a great time. We just walked the boards, did a little shopping, ate the biggest slices of pizza I have seen in my life and ofcourse spent a small fortune in the arcades. None of the rides were open which was a bummer but we had a great day nonetheless. We came home, dropped of Jen and relaxed for a bit before heading down to Vineland to see Toy Story 3 at the drive in. It was a really cute movie. Ofcourse we got home super late and now I am beat and dragging... Today is our mandatory Saturday @ work. It's only 8am-11am.. so it's bearable.

I am dieing to be outside for some reason. I want to take of my shoes, feel the grass between my toes.. play a little badmitton, maybe even try to painstakingly continue to teach Ron how to play Ping Pong, which seems to be an unending task. lol.

Today we will be taking it easy. We are in the process of redoing our guestroom. Ron took the wheel on this one. We finished painting.. It's hot pink.. We found a beat up old antiquey bedroom set that we're painting black. It'll be cool when it's done. We'll be doing some more sanding and hopefully painting of the furiniture this afternoon.

Alright it's almost go time here. Hopefully this 3 hours will go by quickly.

Shut up and drive

I have been dieing to take a little roadtrip recently. We have been having the hardsest time decising where to go.. The only places we can think of are Washington DC or Colonial Williamsburg. Not this past halloween, but the halloween before, we went to Salem, MA. We had the best time. We stayed in an old bed and breakfast and explored every inch of that town. it was cool bc it was both interesting from a historical perspective to learn more about the area, it's history, the witch trials, etc.. but it was also just lots of fun. There aren't a lot of places along those lines in this part of the Country.

We are going to Disney for our honeymoon in October but I think we deserve a little getaway before then...

I LOVE roadtrips. Piling in the car with prepacked treats.. Rolling down the wondows.. Singing along to the music.. Seeing the world pass by on your way to your destination..

I don't like to fly. I never have and don't think I ever will. I think I have a hard time with it because I don't completely get how an airplane works (never said I was bright).. PLUS.. for me, the journey is almost as important as the destination.

Ok.. back to work for me. Sorry this was a little all over the place,

Just sayin'

Why can't you copy and paste things into a blog??? GRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!

Peripheral Vision

So.. A little more about me.

I live in South Jersey with my partner Ron, our 2 cats Abby & Willow, our mini-schnauzer Holly and our evil pug Lucy. I have a pretty darn good life. We laugh a lot in our house and are both pretty silly guys. Ron is my best friend, but we also have a romance and chemistry, the likes of which I have never experienced before. While I don't claims to be the butchest guy in the world, I am for the most part the man of the house. My Ron is the diva.. and the self proclaimed Albert of our neighborhood (think The Birdcage).

I was in a long term relationship before Ron. My ex... lets call him Gomez. I was with Gomez for just about 8 years. The longer the relationship went on, the more I realized that the #1 reason I was staying in the relationship was because I thought ending it would mean that I had wasted all those years. I was going with the flow, trying to live the life that I ultimately wanted, and trying to make due with the relationship that I was in. We met at 20yo and the person I am now is far different than who I then. For the last year or so of our relationship I had asked him to go to counseling because I was not happy. He refused, saying that he didn't believe in counseling. In the interim, because I was going about life, living the best I could, we were also trying to adopt. After 2 1/2 years of waiting, we were finally matched with a birthmom. This was the pivotal moment for me because knowing how unhappy I was, ending the relationship after that point would mean not only breaking up Gomez and I, but splitting up a family. We ended our relationship and rejected the placement. The baby was placed with another waiting family and is happy and healthy. I kept the house and Gomez moved out of state. We do not speak, which is for the best.

I realize now that despite the relationship not being right, that I didn't waste those years. I learned a lot about who I am, what I want from a relationship, what I don't want, etc.. I strongly believe that everything we do in life molds the person that we are destined to become. This includes the good things and the bad. I am in a great place in life. I never thought I could be this happy, or this content.

Ron and I are getting married in October. Our ceremony will be at our Church and our reception at a local Country Club. I cannot wait. It's been a lot of fun to plan! We even bought a cheesy wedding dance DVD to help us learn all those lame wedding dances that normally we'd be too cool to do.. LOL. We are also officially adopting now. We've been approved for a few months. Once again, I find myself waiting to be matched with a birthmom. The difference this time (among other things) is that I am ok with waiting. Life is wonderful and I am ok with God (or fate) taking as long as necessary until we are placed with the daughter that we are meant to be parents to.

There's a saying that goes something like... you'll never get to where you're going without carrying the lessons you've learned from where you've already been. I like that saying.

Oh my GOD...

Since calling my Minister today is on the agenda.. the topic of Church and God are on my mind this morning.

I believe in God. I am an Episcopalian. I go to Church almost every week and I very much enjoy it. I grew up in the Episcopal Church so it kindof feels like a 2nd home to me. Ron and I are getting married in October (well.. 'civil unioned') and our ceremony is taking place in our Church. I am so grateful that the Episcopal Church is so much more progressive with lgbt issues. They are not perfect, mind you, but they are leaps and bounds ahead of other sects of Christianity.

It's funny, because if I hear the word Christian, my back tends to arch like a cat waiting to pounce. To me the word Christian has been poisoned by radical ultraconservative biggots. Yet, I am technically a Christian. For many years, from my teens through my early/mid 20's, I identified as an atheist. The primary reason for this was that I was weak and bought into these biggots notions that I couldn't be gay and have God in my life.. so what did I do? I purged God from my life.

Only in the last several years when I grew more comfortable with myself.. in my own skin did I revisit this issue and come to the conclusion that I will not allow anyone to tell me that I can't be who I am and have a relationship with God. God loves me for who I am.

So many "Christians" stand behind their Bibles and preach hate and intolerance. They pick and choose what to believe and what to just gloss over. There are a lot of profound things you can take from the Bible.. There's also a lot of nutty stuff in there too. People will dedicate their entire lives trying to ensure that glbt people never have full equality, protections, etc because they think that homosexuality is wrong based upon their interpretation of the Bible. They gloss over the hundreds of other things in there that don't make sense to them.. like not eating shellfish, not making love to your if she is menstruating, not mixing fabrics... I could go on.. I think most sane people of faith nowadays understand that we live in an everchanging world and that the general themes of the Bible are what should be taken from it, not trying to live life by a book that's thousands of years old word for word.

The bottom line is.. If you hate something.. then hate it.. that's your right.. If you hate gay people, then well.. that's your right as well.. but have conviction enough in your beliefs (whatever they might be) to say.. this is how *I* feel... and don't stand behind the Bible and throw stones.

Everything has a beginning

So I used to blog quite a bit and then stopped a couple years ago. I've been really missing it recently, so here we go again. I think.. for me anyway... since I am someone who tends to overthink everything that's it's good to get my thoughts out into the world, no matter how significant or insignificant they might be.

A little about me. I am 31. I live in NJ. I am gay. I have an incredible partner named Ron, whom I adore. I do Collections for a South Jersey Attorney's office. I am a homebody by nature. I'm not the most social person, although sometimes Ron will drag me out of my little box, usually kicking and screaming (which I actually like). I tend to enjoy the simpler things in life...

That's all for now. Stay tuned.